Courage in my twenties looked like picking up and moving on. Uprooting from everything I had known to set out in the wilderness inside and outside of me.
It was a courage of action and faith.
It brought me from California to Tennessee and through many iterations of myself.
People cheered for me and looked a tiny bit in awe of my story, of what I had done. It seemed glamorous.
Courage in my thirties looks like staying put. It looks like showing up in the mundane everyday to be a wife and a mother, a sister and a friend. It means keeping my promises to myself and others, even when I really don’t feel like it.
This is a less flashy courage, but a deeper courage. It is the courage of the soul from which glamour is distinctly absent.
It challenges me to stay put and work through an argument with my husband instead of putting up walls and walking away, reveling in self-righteous anger.
It challenges me to stay put and hold my toddler in the middle of the night when all I want to do is run away and sleep.
It challenges me to stay put and be honest when I’d rather just smile passively and walk away.
It challenges me to stay put in the present moment and pay attention when I’d rather check out and let my mind wander.
This is a courage that people don’t talk about much. It doesn’t show well on social media or make very good click bait.
But I am here today to say that it is brave to show up day in and day out, doing the boring things that lead to future rewards. It is brave to do what is right instead of what is easy. It is brave to choose long-term benefit over instant gratification.
We need to have vision to see that the habit of taking care of who and what we love; of being faithful to what we are given to steward, will pay dividends down the road.
It’s the dichotomy of moving in the minutiae of daily life while still being able to look up and see the big picture. The “why,” if you will.
Minutiae: another dish washed, another load of laundry, the same bedtime book read for the millionth time. Another bedtime prayer, finding the lost wallet, packing the lunch, talking through the bills. Big picture: a comfortable home, a child who feels safe and loved, a solid marriage.
Minutiae: oh for the love of all things holy, ALL OF THE EMAILS! The data entry, the time juggling, the constant clicking of…things. Big picture: the privilege to serve and support others, to help grow a wonderful vision, to have a paycheck that blesses my family.
All of the routines that can feel like drudgery are actually making rhythms that move a life towards what it is meant to be.
If like me, you are in a season where the courage of staying put is challenging you, I’m here to say that you are strong and brave and your life is beautiful. Don’t give up, remember to look up, and watch for the things that are blooming; watch for the gifts of the divine scattered throughout all of the ordinary.
Sindy Hankins 