Worrying Less About What Others Think

Worrying about what people think has been a struggle, a limp, a barrier throughout my life. It’s presented differently in different areas in different seasons –

my appearance in those oh-so-hard-and-strange teen years

my performance in my young adult years through…now

my goodness and worthiness in the years I have journeyed on my walk with Jesus

This worry about what I appear to be through the lens of others has given me sweaty armpits, anxiety, shame; crippled me, paralyzed me, made me want to throw up. It stems from misguided identity, insecurity, and selfishness.

As I work through this knot in my soul, allowing it to be massaged out over time, I see that the solution is a combination of being sure of who I am from the inside out and about seeing how I can serve others and love them sincerely without a selfish agenda.

This first – being sure of who I am and being at peace with it – comes from:

• paying attention to the ups and downs in my soul and how my personality functions, what my strengths and weaknesses are
• working through hard things and coming out in one piece on the other side
• prayer
• correct information (what is taken in to train personal knowledge affects self-perception and worldview)
• healthy, affirming relationships with others

The second – focusing on serving and loving others without a selfish agenda – comes from:

• knowing I have something good to offer others (kindness, skills, a snack)
• paying attention and listening (to both spoken and unspoken things) to what others need
• prayer
• being able to release the behavior of others from my person ideas of utopia

When the first is solid, the second is much easier to come by.

Neither of these things is a one and done. It’s a constant process of discovery, tweaking, and real-life application.

These days, when I find myself falling into the trap of worrying about what someone might think of me, I put a halt to the flood of accusations in my mind and instead ask myself this question:

Sindy, what can you do to serve (insert the name or face of the person who you are worried thinks something bad about about you) someone out of love today?

While simple, this question shifts my mindset from focusing on me to focusing on the other person. Instead of fearing them, I wonder what I can do to make their day a bit brighter or easier in the moments I am with them.

I find my armpits sweating less, my brain lessening it’s anxious and crippling fits of self-doubt. I find enjoyment in thinking of ways to bless another – and ultimately, the point is that to worry less about what others think of me, I need to start thinking less about myself.